One Thousand Shades of Joy

adventures in heart-centered living

#artistsforlove

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Adding my voice to the #artistsforlove movement– a group of artists, writers, poets, creatives, and lovers of all people who have joined together to express love and solidarity.  The poster is high-resolution and free to download and share. And please join in if you feel called by creating your own poster and sharing it on social media.

#artistsforlove angelaamias.com

much love,

angela

meditations on my purpose

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I’m still feeling shaky and shaken by the U.S. election. Somehow the shock of it has accelerated the process of honing my purpose- answering the question of why am I here in this body and this life. (The answer is love.)


 

Love Notes signup angelaamias.com

 

thoughts, in no particular order

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It’s been a very long time since I’ve written a real blog post, one in which I share more than a few words, a bit of poetry, or a new painting.  I’m in the midst of giving birth to a realization that has been slow to form, but here it is: I cannot be more in the world unless I begin being more of myself in the world. Thus far, I’ve held back from sharing my whole self, my authentic self, thinking that I could just get by with sharing parts of myself, carefully controlled and doled out bit by bit. I’ve been asking you, my readers, to read between the lines. To recognize that I have a story to tell, even if I am not sharing it with you openly.

When I first became aware of this need to be all of me, it kind of sucked. To be honest, my heart dropped into my stomach at the thought. I’ve been sitting with it for a few weeks, letting the dust settle so I can see clearly. Over the past few months, I’ve been feeling called to do more writing. I’ve got ideas struggling to get out of my brain and onto the page, personal essay-style, but the topics are raw and a little painful, not just for me but for the others involved as well. Do I have the right to tell these stories? Or am I a secret-keeper, bound to silence?

I don’t think these questions have clear answers, at least not for me, not yet. I am still sitting with that. But while I am sitting, I am also listening. Yesterday, a stranger on Instagram shared one of my posts, a poem, and she hashtagged it #healing and #traumarecovery. Somehow, she saw me, she felt what my poem was about, she said it gave her hope. Which made me burst into tears.

Because it’s true- my story is one of trauma and one of healing. One of trauma recovery. It’s also a story I wouldn’t trade for anything, because my experiences made me who I am- someone whose heart has been cracked open, someone who is learning how to care for her tender heart, to be soft in a world that can be hard.

The truth is I want to be seen. And I want to touch others’ hearts. And I know, deep down, that these two things go together. When I think of authors and speakers and artists whose work moves me and touches me deeply, in every case it is because they are honest and authentic and willing to share their dark along with their light.

I’ll probably be sharing a lot more of myself in my newsletter than on my blog, because it feels more intimate. You can sign up by clicking here. 

And as always, much love to each and every one of you,

angela

what soothed my heart today

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was some much-needed poetry therapy and an impromptu solo single-track-on-repeat dance party in the kitchen.

much, much, much love to each and every one of you,

angela


 

Love Notes signup angelaamias.com

what makes me happy today

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I had an idea for a longer post about a new discovery about myself that I’ve made, but I think that will have to wait for tomorrow (and hopefully it will actually happen tomorrow. I was just looking in my drafts folder and I have blog posts from ages ago that I never tidied up enough to actually post. And the original bubbles of excitement that prompted the posts have all dissipated by now, so they will probably never see the light of day.) And on that cheery note, here is what makes me happy today.

what makes me happy November 2016 angelaamias.com

A balcony in downtown Kansas City, Martha Beck, my journal, and a glass of wine. It is 73 degrees today and I’m having a mini-vacation.

I’m not sure if I have expressed my undying love for Martha Beck in my blog. I’ve never met her but I just love her so much. This book is my favorite of hers. I’m practicing following her instructions for living: “Rest until you feel like playing. Play until you feel like resting. Never do anything else.”

much love,

angela

what makes me happy today

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I’m back in my studio today for the first time in a few weeks, playing with paint. Lately I’ve been incorporating some handwriting into the first few layers of my paintings- I like the way it brings a little of my daily journaling practice into my painting practice.

Something that’s been on my mind and in my heart over the last month is seeking more connectedness with others, letting myself be seen, opening my heart- essentially being REAL. As I was writing on my painting, I was overcome by a sense of connection with, and immense love for, whomever ends up owning this painting. Just because we are sharing this beautiful, mysterious human experience- full of joy and love and pain and struggle.

In the end, most of the words will be covered by more layers of paint. But I’ll know it’s there- this secret love letter to life.

~angela